“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.” ( Maya Angelou 2018)
At your own pace, and in your own words, I will help you find your voice and tell your story. The simple act of sharing your concerns within the safety and confidentiality of the therapeutic relationship often brings immediate relief. It is an exploratory process which fosters curiosity about anything and everything that troubles you. Painful emotions are a vital source of information that can help you make better decisions and choices. Learning how to lean into, rather than away from, them will help you access a more authentic version of yourself. Armed with greater self awareness and self acceptance, in time, you will begin to feel calmer, stronger and more confident.
Most suffering, but not all, is rooted in unhealthy family relationships. These can often be traced to childhood abuse. They can also be traced to less obvious, but equally damaging, experiences of being ignored, or overly controlled and protected, by parents. In order to preserve the attachment relationship to their primary caregivers children quickly learn how to hide painful feelings. This separation from a child's inner world can become a mechanism for getting stuck in a relentless cycle of emotional triggers and responses, and a life-long struggle to form healthy relationships.
It is important that parents seeking professional support for adolescent children know that therapy is not about finding someone to blame, least of all parents. Most parents do their absolute best for their children. And inevitably, as Philip Larkin wrote, they fuck them up. On the one hand this is tragic. On the other, with the right support, it affords your child the invaluable opportunity to develop confidence, resilience and integrity. If blame for the suffering of adolescents lies anywhere it is with society's flawed individualistic ideology and harmful narratives around competition and success, which leave many young adults in a deep pit of self-loathing, and most parents too stressed and exhausted to help. The pernicious world of social media, masquerading as a community of real friends and true connections, offers little refuge. On the contrary, it has become a conduit for further emotional distress.